Jesus kill me inside raise me up to live again like You did

Hii my name is Andrea and I live in California. I am 18 years old and I have a son, Jacob. He'll be 2 in March and I call him my little sunshine because he always makes me smile and I just love him so much. I live with my parents, my two sisters and my brother then of course my son and we have two dogs, a pug and a chuwawa {ya ik I spelt that wrong}. I'm done with school and ima start working at Barnes and Noble soon I am so excited. Well I don't want to give too much detail about my life but let's just say I've been through a lot of trials and challenges in my life. I was adopted at age four along with my biological brother and sister {a lot of fosters in between, some adopted, some not}. My biological mother was a druggie and so was my father. The first foster home they put me in abused me physically and then when I was adopted...my brother had sexually abused me from 3-7, when he was taken to juvenile hall. I haven't seen him since. I then decided to let Jesus into my life. My Sunday school teacher led me to the Lord, little did I know, it was in my head-not in my heart. Shortly after, my sister started to abuse me, mostly mentally. She called me overweight and useless and told me I wasn't going to be anyone special in life. My sister abused me for the longest time and soon her boyfriend, when I was 12, abused me sexually and my sister let him. She used me for money...it was pretty bad. During all this time I was struggling with bulimia and cutting. When I was 14 I went to a youth retreat in Arizona with my church. I was planning on killing myself when I got back home because I couldn't stand it and I fully believed I was going to be abused for the rest of my life. The night before we were going to go home, a girl tugged at my arm once the service was over. She asked me to have dinner with her and my youth Pastor's wife let me. Her name was Joanne. She told me she felt like the Lord was tugging on her heart for her to talk to me. In my mind I was calling her crazy but as she kept talking she told me that the Lord has something special in everybody's life and to never give up no matter the struggle. I told her she didn't know what I was going through, she agreed then said that's not reason for me to give up on life. I just nodded, with tears in my eyes and that night I asked my youth leader if she would pray with me...I knew I needed God back in my life. So I got reassurance of my salvation that night and I didn't kill myself when I get home, though I wanted too. When I was 16 I found out I was pregnant...the abuse from my sister and her now husband ended and they're in jail now. Just recently I have given my life to the Lord because I know He wants me to live for Him. It isn't easy living for God when you've spent your whole life pushing Him away from you but then you realize what He's done for you, just like in the song, circle by flyleaf: He left His arms empty and tired out streched for me {us} until He died. Just knowing He died for us is enough because it's so amazing thinking someone loved us enough He would die for us so all we have to do is ask Him into our heart and we will go to Heaven when we die. It's just amazing, I think and I love Jesus with all my heart and I fully believe in Him. So, it's true, no matter what you're going through if you think no one cares there is someone who cares-God cares and I care for others too...I am still struggling with bulimia and self harming but I'm pulling through with God's help. And to let you know if you need someone to talk to you can talk to me-I don't judge. Thank you for visiting my page and go ahead leave a msg, invite or comment. I'm here to meet people and be a good friend plus I love Flyleaf :).

My <3 belongs to God